Acceptance of Your Own Evolution

As individuals we must accept and come into agreement with our own personal evolution. We expand, we grow, we change, we learn. A personal struggle I used to have was this yearning desire for my innocence to come back. It would eat at me, and I had this anger towards myself for not being able to think and feel with that naive mind I once had. I didn’t want to accept that I had changed because at the time, I liked who I once was better. Accepting who I had become felt like letting go of who I wanted to be, but eventually I did. Once I did I was able to focus on how I could work with this new version of myself, how I could help this version, I could begin to heal this version. My resistance to who I was then was actually generating more energy to keep me there than to grow. Two years ago, the man who I spent four years in a domestically violent relationship with and had a child with was shot and killed. When he passed away, I was lost. I lost myself entirely into the ocean of grief I was swimming in. I hated who I was, I felt cold and empty inside, my emotions were in a constant rotation of sadness, rage, guilt, numbness, hopelessness, regret, and feeling like I needed to search for something I couldn’t find. I pushed everyone away, family, friends, I even created distance between my son and I. I judged myself horribly for who I was then, and it wasn’t until I accepted where I was, and didn’t label it good or bad that I was actually able to begin to process everything and bring new energy in. It’s the expectations and labels we put on ourselves that end up holding us back, and it’s the unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves that can set us free. Two years down the road my heart has softened again, my mind has expanded more than it ever would have without the pain, I have learned so much about myself, my capacity to love has multiplied, peace has restored more and more each day, and my faith and trust in God/The Universe/etc, has risen to new heights. Who you are today, doesn’t define who you’ll be tomorrow, letting your evolution flow with love is the only way to grow through highs and the lows.