Growing Pains

Growth doesn’t always feel good. You may not even feel as though you are growing. I faced this head on at the end of my pregnancy. I had been on bed rest for a month already and went into preterm labor, having contractions and all the early labor symptoms, loss of appetite, nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, fatigue, moodiness. This persisted for an additional five weeks, all symptoms included, plus, every two or three days I would have pretty strong contractions that would make sleeping and eating impossible. After a while I started struggling immensely. I felt awful each and every day. I was desperately trying to stay healthy for my baby’s sake and felt like every day I was just barely keeping my head above water, (literally and figuratively as I spent a lot of time taking baths.) I was depressed, lonely, tired, and losing hope day by day. I turned to spirituality, began to incorporate different practices into my days, (practices that I could do while sitting on the couch.) Eventually I found myself in an almost constant state of prayer or repeating mantras to myself to keep my thoughts from going in vastly unhealthy directions. I realized that this misery I was forced to endure was playing a major role in my healing. It felt like I had taken steps backwards, like I was stuck and letting my circumstances define my joy. As time kept passing and I stayed consistent with my practices, I did find joy, and strength, and humility, and the ability to trust in what is unseen and seemingly unfathomable, I was able to experience physical misery and restriction, and mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom at the same time. When Spirit was officially on her way out I was strong enough to carry out her birth the way I wanted it, all natural, which I don’t think I would’ve done without the strength I had gained from the weeks previous, and in addition, I have felt like a brand new person ever since, with a new mentality and outlook on life. Growth often time comes with growing pains, keeping that perspective and faith through those growing pains can be the difference between misery and joy